Saturday 13 October 2007

Question of the week

"To Kneel or Not To Kneel"
This has been a question that has been around for years. You are dressed up in your nice wedding dress, its time to cut your cake and you lovingly cut your cake together. Some people say its a tribe thing and some say its tradition. What do you say, to kneel or not to kneel when feeding your groom on your wedding day?

24 comments:

W2b said...

I'm definitely not kneeling :)

I've discussed this with my H2B and he has come round to the idea.

Kneeling does not do anything except to further subjugate women.

Not sure why any guy will want his wife to kneel down while feeding him...sorry

A couple should always only pick those traditions that mean something to them personally. I could be submissive to my hubs btw the 2 of us but me being ' forced' to kneel down will kill it for me.

Anonymous said...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I think I will kneel y I dont know loll

Ms. Catwalq said...

if i kneel, he must bow.
shikena!

Anonymous said...

In the south-south, kneeling for your hubby shows that you are "well brought up". Sometimes you might get a cake designer that is overzealous/conservative/traditional and will say "We will see how well the bride will take care of her husband when she feeds him". My cousin crumbled under the pressure, me, i put the piece of cake btw my lips and we kissed.
Sometimes the person who is moderating will go on and on about kneeling or hint about it. Like my cousin, some brides just do it to get it over with. I see it this way, when you know your hubby and the type of family he comes from, at crunch time, you will know what to do.

Joy, Toronto.

Anonymous said...

catwalq..that was funny!i feel w2b too...i dont know about the kneeling down thing...me i would have told them before not to bring up any nonsense kneeling down but if the chairman of the occassion says i should kneel i will just do it......but seriously it is stupid sa cos its not like when we are married i wll be kneeling down to feed him and be doing the "olowo ori mi" crap thing!..i went for a wedding once and as the bride was going down on her knees to feed him the groom too got on his knees and they fed each other on their knees..that was the high point of that wedding for me!it was like "if u kneel,i'll kneel too"...i also went for my cousin wedding and when she was about to kneel the groom pulled her up...thats what i want my hubby to be to do on that day!

Anonymous said...

1 totally second the above comment! A correct guy wont allow his wife kneel, not sure about the guy kneeling too though b4 they say she has mugu'ed him, just make sure she doest kneel cos you are the head of the family, not the chairman/cake cutter person

Rinsola said...

catwalq, true talk!

Saymama said...

No kneeling joo! After all the kneeling at the traditional, then they want you to ruin your dress kneeling again. Infact, those cake-cutting fathers and mothers of the day should be banned!!!LOL

Nwanyi Ocha said...

In per with CATWALQ jare

Anonymous said...

i definitely think the kneeling thing is overated. If you know it will cause unneccessary wahala and comments after d wedding...just kneel... I love the fact that some hubby's stop their wives b4 they get to the ground...or kneel as well..respect and submission should be reciprocal.

Anonymous said...

i will NEVER kneel. Enough said!!!

YankeeNaija said...

About this kneeling business, is it relegated to a particular group or particular region? The reason why I ask is, being igbo and here in L.A., I've never seen a bride kneel to feed her husband cake. The concept is interesting. Not one I'd personally partake in but interesting nonetheless. I liked the comments about the two grooms who, one stopped his bride from kneeling and the other who knelt with her. There is hope for Nigerian men yet. Maybe this is signaling the heralding of the Modern Nigerian Male. Thanks be to God!

Anonymous said...

To all my Naija sistas out there, this question to me is just mind blowing. Ok ... as for me did I kneel on my wedding day, yes I did but not out of tradition, but out of reverence, besides I had the cake in my mouth and I needed to get up close to da broda so that he could grab a piece if you know what i mean (;).

I think it's your day, so do whatever you want. If you want to kneel, then kneel and if not then please dont. Culture or not, I think we need to remember that "our" wedding is exactly that "our" wedding. I see that a lot of Naija weddings are now mostly about the bride and groom and less about the who is who at the wedding.

So remember this is about us and not them, you have done the traditional wedding and that is where the buck should stop as far as infusing cultural sturves and all that into the wedding.

I say try something new, this might sound scandalous but hey try it, it may just become a trend. Get your piece of cake, sit your husband down on a chair in the middle of the room and proceed to perform a rendition of Destiny's Child's "Cater to You". After which you feed him the cake from your lips. Trust me culture or not he would be mightily pleased.
(For anyone who does this please post reaction and feedback)

That is my 2 cents for the day

Anonymous said...

I decided to go find the video so that people can get some inspiration ... here u go... get inspired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiuR4J_IYUk

Anonymous said...

sORRY aYOTEJU,
dis you mean that the wedding had become less about the bride and groom and more about the who and who at the weddig?
cos that would make sense- cos its usually the 3rd parties who try to impose the kneel down to feed crap,not the hubs...
interesting cater to you sturvs!

Anonymous said...

Actually what I am saying is that people are getting back to the main point when it comes to Naiaj weddings. 5-7 years ago Naiaj weddings looked like carnivals ... You hardly saw photos of the bride and groom and when you did see them, they were frowning. However wedding photographers in Naija are taking a cue from their counterparts in the Western world focusing on the details of the wedding rather than the aunties and uncles of the day. They are capturing shots that were not seen before; bride's dress hanging up, shoes, make up etc, you know what I mean.

So I am trying encourage my wives and husbands to be that rememeber it is YOUR day, I emphasize that because that is exactly what it is, YOUR day. Own it and don't let people dictate what they think you should be doing.

isha said...

I disagree with some of the people who posted before me. Kneeling does not make you less of a partner in your new union. As far as I am concerned, it's just a sign of respect. It's your new husband, and well wishers that you're ready to be a co-executive in the marriage, with the husband's guidance.
I'm a female engineer, so I know what it's like to feel less than men - people have actually said it to my face before, but really, it's a thing of the mind. Your husband will not be domineering if you don't give him a reason to.

Anonymous said...

Interesting comment here Isha ... I agree with you to a certain extent. If you want to kneel ladies, by all means do, however let no one pressure you to do what you are not comfortable with.

The issue here is feeling "coerced" to kneel under the gazing eyes of too many unapproving adults. As I mentioned earlier, its truly about the individuals in the relationship. Forget all those other people at the end of the day, they are not going home with you.

I think there are various forms of respect and kneeling; culturally for us Nigerians, is definitely one of them. But I dont think anyone should be read the RIOT ACT if they don't kneel as a personal choice.

We also need to get away from the issue of looking subservient. This is why some ladies don't buy the kneeling bit, it makes them look weak, however, please allow me to do this, submission is not a sign of weakness, it is saying , We are equals but I choose to submit to you. Think on that ... SELAH

Anonymous said...

ayoteju, you should be an agony aunt or something!!!
you've poitned out the substantial bone of contention- the being forced to kneel at the risk of being labelled an onijogbon!
thts precisely why I wont kneel.I give kudos to ladies who do it and want to do it. It takes a lot of guts to do it as well as guts not to do it. But as you rightly pointed out, remove all the parents/inlwa and eyes,will i kneel for my hubs as a sign of submission-No- he'll probably laugh and say'so madam, what are you doing now?' because he totally knows thats not how i will show it. I'll likely be looking into my man's eyes , not looking down at his feet-hey he knows how we roll.
Kneeling is the equivalent of guys wearing gloves on their wedding day or girls wearing pearls-they think its something they NEED to do-lets be authentic, authentic meaning authentic to tyou two-no cookie cutter receptions!

ps loving this blog

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha MOE!!!!! Please don't let my peeps see this o, they already call me "mommy" ... Anyhow I feel u jare as me I have said I am a little bit more riske and I think the feeding my husband bit should be more sensual than obligatory. That is why I said find your own stuvs to do, do anything you want short of a striptease show, if that is what tickles your fancy.

But if you try the strip tease, abeg I know dey o, bcos trust me, there will more than laying of hands and casting out demons.

I can imagine the scenario now : hey look at what your daughter is doing, Iya Moji ... " "Ehn Ehn O!!!! she is your daughte too ... and weren't you the one who sent her to America to go to school" "You better go and tell her to stop that mess" ... The crowd is in shock, and iya gbegele carries her load and take away plate, shouting accross the room "Iya Moji, mo ri yin na, I have another wedding to attend," while whispering under her breath "this is why my children will NEFA go to Americah, shio ... osi!!!!"
Ha ha ha ha ... i am crackn up

Wedding Vogue said...

lolll you guys are cracking us up here. The main thing is whatever works for you. GUS WHERE ARE YOU ! It would be really nice to know what you guys feel about this topic. Some guys we know have asked their brides to kneel loll

blj said...

with my wedding coming up i have thought about several things i'm going to do and not do,talked to my fiance about it and he seem not to have an issue with, but i might just do it but really i think its crazy cos i wont get to kneel down and feed him in our home... so?

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